Jim Harbaugh, the enigmatic khaki covered Head Coach of the University of Michigan Football Team. His Internet exploits speak for themselves most of the time. There was the time he slept at a recruit’s house, the ill-conceived decision to shirtless along with his football team. This article was already started when I found the latest story on Twitter. In an effort to beat anything funnier than I could come with, the Detroit News reports that the man helped deliver a calf at a dairy farm he was visiting. I can only imagine he was there to get his favorite beverage straight from the source when he decided to add amateur veterinarian to his resume. This blog post will enumerate some more headlines that you could possibly see in the future.
Jim Harbaugh comes to SETI to help astronomers look for Aliens
This one is plausible since Jim Harbaugh is a crazy person, and I think he would find the Search for Extraterrestrial Life fascinating. I could see him knocking on the door in full couch get up, and a lab coat wanting to help look for aliens. It would mostly of Jim Harbaugh telling people with doctorate degrees that he’s diagramed defense that catches Braxton Miller, surely he can handle catching some aliens. In this scenario, Harbaugh has a butterfly net and a wanted poster of Marvin the Martian. Though I can also see a lot of Harbaugh asking what each button does, and several exasperated scientists telling him not to touch things.
Jim Harbaugh plays touch football with Pope during Rome Visit
A few years ago, Jim Harbaugh visited Rome. He had football camps there and the Pope baptized his son. It was by all accounts a nice visit. My dream scenario though has Jim Harbaugh meeting the Pope on a return visit, and the Pope removes his papal robes to reveal an Ohio State t-shirt and he challenges Harbaugh and gang or scrappy youngsters against the Pope and the Swiss Guard. And, of course, it would come down to the last play, and Harbaugh’s team would score a last minute touchdown, the colloquial ‘Hail Mary,’ and everyone would laugh at the irony.
Jim Harbaugh delivers baby animal
Well, he actually did this one.
He will spend the night at a recruit’s house
Oh wait, he already did this too.
Jim Harbaugh asks the school colors be changed to Khaki
With the amount of money he is being paid, and the control he was given, it appears that the University of Michigan will give Harbaugh the keys to the kingdom. In this scenario, Jim Harbaugh waltzes into the Athletic Director’s office and demands the that the school change their colors to khaki. His love of the fabric is legendary, and he is rarely seen without his trademark pants. And, after one too many sleepless nights, the man determines that this color is the secret of his success and if he was totally covered in khaki he would be twice as successful. And surely, if he extends this to the rest of his team then his team’s success will also double. This would be the secret to beating Ohio State and delivering the University’s national championship. The University rejoices because they can sell more merchandise.
Jim Harbaugh Loses to Michigan State
Hahahahaaha he actually did this one. He lost again. Haha what a dummy.
Jim Harbaugh has the training staff replace all of the Gatorade with milk
The coach is famously for his love of dairy. He proudly drank a glass of milk while at a steakhouse, because that’s what psychopaths do. However, he wouldn’t foresee the number of lactose intolerant players on his team, and the inevitable backlash this would entail.
Jim Harbaugh is unmasked
After another disappointing season, Michigan fans will gather in the middle of the Big House, on top of the giant block M they all worship. In the center of the frenzied fans, will be Jim Harbaugh. They’re ready to kick him out for good when someone notices something’s not quite right. And, in the manner of old Scooby Doo cartoons, they will pull off the mask.
Revealing that it’s been Brady Hoke this whole time.
Certainly explain a lot. And the missing coloring books in Ann Arbor.