Memorial Day is approaching and it generally marks the beginning of Summer and the start of many outdoor activities.

One of these activities is the bonfire. And no bonfire is complete without S’mores.

I spend too much time on the internet. This is something I should probably work on.

But, one of the things I’ve noticed is the prevalence of taking something simple and Pinteresting it.

I’ve seen this happen to the humble s’more. It is not something extravagant, nor is it something that should aspire to anything higher than culinary pretenses of of six year old.

I have seen recipes combining it with bacon. Or, there are versions that look like they came from Alinea. These should not look complicated. Nor, should they be something you want to share on Instagram. Besides, if you share pictures of food you’re probably not making s’mores.

This is how you make S’mores:

First, procure the supplies.

You will need graham crackers. Most often, these will be made by Nabisco. They will come in a blue box. Also, they will most likely be in a display with other s’mores accoutrements. If, however, you live in the middle of nowhere like I do where you’re an hour from the nearest town with a traffic light, then you might need to get the store brand.

They will probably taste like hamster food.

Next get the chocolate. Get hershey’s chocolate. If you want to get something fancy. Don’t. No one will be impressed. And if you ruin nice chocolate with trash food like this we’ll probably never be friends. Also, you want the chocolate to melt like a crayon left out in the sun, so Hershey’s it is.

Finally, marshmallows. They’re white and puffy. If one of your friends wants to bring artisanal marshmallows don’t invite her. She is probably insufferable and likes other fancy things like Paris, and healthcare.

Making Them

Now, make a fire. This isn’t hard.

Find a space away from combustable material, scrunch up some newspaper. Add some twigs. Use the incendiary device of your choice, lighter, matches, flint and steel. Have a ball.

Once your conflagration is going it’s time to find a child. Preferably your child, or the child of a close friend or relative. Don’t just take the child though. That’s bad. Inform their parents.

Give the kid a stick that has had the end whittle to a fine point with your trusty pocketknife. You don’t have a pocketknife? Find a guy wearing camo and Bass Pro Shops hat. He will have a pocketknife.

Stick a marshmallow on the stick and give it to the kid. He will then light the marshmallow on fire. This will be repeated three or four times. Once you get the little pyro to give a nice golden brown confection, you gently place it between the pieces of graham cracker and chocolate. It will melt and turn gooey and it will get everywhere.

Now, resist the urge to Instagram this. I know it’s hard, but I promise no one cares.

Finally, the kid’s eyes will light up looking at the gooey morsel, so eat it in front of him. It’s a life lesson he’ll learn to appreciate.

Written by

Matthew Donnellon is a writer, artist, and sit down comedian. He is the author of The Curious Case of Emma Lee and Other Stories.

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