So you’ve written something.

It can be anything.

A poem.

A screenplay.

A book.

Your manifesto you moved out to the woods to write.

Anything.

But, now it’s time to show someone else.

Getting feedback on your writing is always a precarious endeavor. Because before you hand them your story or send that email approximately 8 million things will go through your head.

Will they like it?

What if they don’t like it?

What if I’m not a good writer?

What if I should never have written anything in the first place?

I should quit writing.

They might not get it.

Oh god did I leave a typo? Oh man I left a lot of typos didn’t I? That won’t look professional.

That’s it I’m just moving to the woods to become a mountain man. Being a writer is overrated anyway.

You know something like that.

Here’s the thing.

There are plenty of people that will give you solid professional advice. And if you really want to know what people think, then publish because trust me they will tell you what they think.

However, many times. People will give a slightly nicer version of what they’re thinking.

So, I thought it would be beneficial to decode some of the statements writers often receive.

This is a little long.

We’ve all been there. Everyone gets a little wordy from time to time.

Translation:

Oh my god this was so long. You said it was a quick read. This was a 400,000 word epic fantasy tale about a talking duck. You don’t have to describe every single detail. The first 6,000 words were just describing the the main character’s room.

I mean wow. I’ve seen phone books with less words. If this was an audiobook you could set it and let it run watch the entirety of Supernatural and come back only to not have hit the midpoint.

It just goes on and on and on.

There are some many characters and why all they all named Kevin? Just super confusing.

It’s like reading the Encyclopedia if it was somehow more boring.

I would cut about 300,000 words out of it and then you might have something.

You Could Add A Little More Detail

It’s a little short.

You should go a little more in depth.

You’ve seen it in all forms.

Translation:

Oh god why is it so short. I mean brevity is the key to good writing but this isn’t even an article. I swear it’s just headings. You couldn’t have gone into it with less detail if you left the whole thing blank. I know less about this topic then when I started reading the article.

It’s not an article. It’s barely a blog post.

Also why is it only 11 words?

This email is blank.

Translation:

You sent it to someone who doesn’t know how email works and now you need to explain how attachments work.

Be nice to them though. They helped win World War 2.

This needs a little work.

Oh boy.

Yeah…

You see I don’t be the one to tell you but this means that it is not very good.

Translation:

This needs a lot of work. To say that this story had problems is to say the Titanic bumped an ice cube. It needs so much work it should come with caution tape and little orange cones warning of construction in the area.

There’s just so much wrong here.

I was looking for your voice in this and you clearly have laryngitis. It’s overdeveloped and underdeveloped at the same time. It’s so unreadable I thought it was originally a corrupted file.

This is so bad that no only should you quit writing. It should be illegal for you to touch and keyboard and you should be barred from buying pens. In fact i think you should get a stamp with your name on it because I don’t even trust you to write that.

It’s not so much an affront to writing as it is an affront to the natural world and it should be stricken from the record. Your computer should be shut down and buried at least six feet under ground.

Honestly, not only do I hope you quit writing, but I beg of it for the good of humanity.

So, read carefully the next time someone gives feedback. They might be telling more than you think.